We always dream of finding the perfect person and having a big, extravagant wedding ceremony.
We want everything to be perfect.
From the perfect dress, to the way the chairs are set up down the aisle where your family will sit.
What we fail to realize though, is that the ceremony isn’t even the important part of marriage.
It’s the foundation.
There is so much more to marriage than a fancy wedding dress and shiny diamond ring.
I was married at the age of 20.
My marriage lasted for 1 year.
Once we were divorced, I told myself I would never get married again.
I felt like a failure.
After a few years though, I met a man that I knew I’d spend the rest of my life with.
I had never been so sure about anything before in my life .
I realized that, instead of feeling like a failure, I had actually learned a few good lessons from my failed marriage.
I’m going to share with you 5 things that I learned from my first marriage that helped me be the wife that I am now.
1. Build a foundation.
This is important.
The foundation is a very special part of a marriage.
When you say your vows , you have to take them seriously.
You NEED to take them seriously.
In my first marriage, I was just reciting my vows without actually feeling them.
When I got remarried, I felt every single word I said.
I felt it so deep in my soul with every breath that I spoke.
You need FEEL them.
You need to feel them so deeply.
2. Make sure you marry your best friend.
When I got married the first time, I got married for the wrong reasons.
You can read about those reasons on my last blog post how my custody battle made me a stronger woman and a better mother.
My ex husband wasn’t my best friend.
We didn’t talk about our true feelings with one another.
We didn’t turn to each other when there was a problem in our life.
We didn’t turn to each other when good things happened in our life.
That is not a firm start for a foundation.
My husband now is my VERY best friend.
We could spend every minute of everyday together and never get tired of each other.
When good things happen, my husband is the first person I want to tell about it.
He does the same to me.
We talk about our honest feelings with one another.
We never hold anything back, even if it means it may hurt the other’s feelings.
I can run to my husband about anything.
He never judges me.
He gives me his real honest opinions about anything I confide in him about.
He’s my very best friend.
3.Don’t be selfish
Love is a selfless act.
So,when you marry, you are committing to being more selfless there as, less selfish.
Even if that means getting up earlier to cook your husband breakfast before he goes to work, even though the baby wakes up in an hour and you could sleep just a little while longer.
In my first marriage, I never thought about doing things like this for my ex husband.
I never just wanted to do things like that for him.
I never wanted to be the best wife that I could be for him.
I don’t know if it’s because I was younger than I am now, or if I just didn’t care at all.
All I know is I never wanted to do selfless acts for my ex husband.
Now, I want nothing more than to make sure my husband is happy.
I want to make sure he has clean clothes for work without him asking me.
I want to get up earlier to make him lunch for work.
I want to make sure he feels appreciated.
I don’t want to be selfish.
Marriage is not selfish.
My ex husband was a very selfish person.
My husband is nowhere near selfish and I want to give him the same thing in return.
So, before you decide to get married, make sure that you can commit to being selfless.
Make sure you can commit to putting someone else’s feelings or needs before yours every once in awhile.
4.Choose your battles wisely and be willing to work things out.
In my first marriage, my ex husband and I argued all the time.
We argued about everything.
We never could come to a solution for any problem.
When we got into an argument, we would scream, yell and cuss each other and then we would both be silent until the problem just faded away.
This is not the way to handle marriage.
Problems don’t just go away, you have to work them out.
My husband and I now have disagreements from time to time,but we work through them.
We apologize.
We acknowledge the others apology.
We try to find out why the disagreement even began.
We want to learn how to prevent from having that same disagreement in the future.
It’s amazing.
It’s the way marriage is designed to me.
5. Live in the moment with your spouse and don’t take them for granted
I try to embrace every single moment with my husband.
He goes above and beyond to take care of our family.
He goes above and beyond to make sure I am happy, so I do the same for him.
I always make myself live in the moment with him.
With my ex husband, certain thoughts never even crossed my mind.
I just went day by day doing the usual routine of life and never thinking anything about it.
Now, I strive to make sure that I embrace every moment with my husband.
I don’t want to miss it.
I don’t want to wish one day that I had missed out on how perfect he was , I embrace him and his presence now.
Marriage is a sacred thing.
I am not a failure, just because my first married failed.
God blessed me with a husband that I was destined to be a wonderful wife to.
He wanted me to feel the kind of love that would make me want to be the wife that he designed me to be.
I encourage you all to ponder on these important lessons before getting married, remarried, engaged, or even if you’re already married I hope that you can get some inspiration from this post.
Marriage can be rigid, but it is beyond worth it if you marry “your person”.
When I got divorced, I was really lost.
So, when I got remarried, I was a little timid.
i got over that quick due to the fact my husband and I work together to make sure our marriage lasts.
I learned so many lessons from my first marriage that I can apply to my marriage now.
i hope you all can learn the same lessons from me as well as even more while you continue to follow me on my journey through this chaotic life.
